In New York City every day you can see people behaving like they have nothing to lose. They run and sing out loud, they dance topless, they say what they think, they seem to live on some sort of edge, or maybe they are just truly themselves?
One Sunday afternoon, a guy walks into a Starbucks. He is gorgeous. He sways through the floor with his fabulous outfit, with the glasses and the purse. There is no point in me describing how he looks, because he was all about the feel, the charisma. I could not take my eyes away from him.
Joe and I were sipping our cold brews, and I asked him –
“Look at this guy, what is it about him that I just can’t stop looking at? Do you have a similar impression?”
Joe sneak peeked and said –
“He has this kind of energy around him because he is just himself. His presence is effortless, I don’t have a feeling that he particularly tries to be like that. People like him just feel like they have nothing to lose, so they also just can be themselves, and it shows.”
It did show. That man was himself. Unapologetically. He didn’t ask for permission, he did not pretend.
Being unapologetically myself was always one of my biggest dreams. I wanted to do what I want, say what I want, and look how I want, and yet, I’ve never felt like I am there. That is why I love this city. Many people here seem to have it, and in a way, it rubs off on you too. Day by day, watching them being themselves you are becoming you being yourself.
“Hey Joe, how does he do it? How does he have this charismatic style, and still looks like he doesn’t give a damn? How do people do that?”
“I actually know how. It happened to me when I came to NYC.”
Over thirteen years ago Joe came to the city with a belief that he is quite attractive. Back home he was. Then in the city he realized, he might not be as attractive as back home. You know this scale thing? Let’s say you are ten out of ten back home in some medium size city. Then you come to a big city and you are maybe seven out of ten by comparison with a larger group of people. In a big city there is simply bigger competition in everything. So, Joe realized he might be actually moderately attractive here. Therefore, he started behaving like one. After a while of results close to none, Joe realized that perhaps he is not attractive at all, and in this case, he has nothing more to lose. He reached the bottom. He will probably die alone or whatever.
Essentially, when Joe realized he has nothing to lose he thought that in this case he didn’t need to play anyone’s game anymore, because most likely he is going to lose anyway, so he might also just be himself.
“When I accepted, I was at zero, I became very relaxed. I realized I don’t need to do anything, because nothing can be worse. I had nothing to prove.”
That is how Joe liberated himself, and just became himself. His amazing self.
And this is what I mean talking about the city radically liberating you. It first tests you to prove yourself. Then you try, and you realize there will always be someone better than you in whatever you are doing. Then you give up the proving part, and just relax and do whatever you want and like. Then you truly start behaving like your real self. Stop proving, and start being. In this state something might come up for you. You might actually start getting what you wanted, because others start being attracted to your realness. Or not. In the worst case scenario you will still not get what you want, and you will not achieve anything, apart from well, being yourself, which could be the biggest achievement of all that are out there.
Nico Allen, an ecstatic dance dj once said:
“When you give yourself permission to drop into your body, you give everyone permission to drop into their bodies too.”
Nico Allen
And this is how New York works, one person drops into their body, their true expression, and you might actually try to drop to your true expression too.
Nice to meet me, dropping into my own body every day, dancing, sipping a cold brew, or appreciating someone’s stunning drop into theirs.
