In New York City it’s good to have a goal, they say.
I met this Italian guy, (let’s call him Giuseppe, why not) in a game bar. We played pool, and then a beer pong, until one of us dropped, and I think it might have been me. I was escorted to an uber.
Later on, Giuseppe proposed to meet again in a more cultural setting, which was an Italian restaurant. Even before the pasta arrived, he went straight into the important stuff, which was asking me – “What’s your goal?”
I finished dipping my bread in olive oil, looked up, made my signature confused expression (the one, you cannot tell if I am dumb or extremely deep), and replied –
“I don’t have any goal at the moment.”
He, in turn, gave me the look which was something like – common, silly girl, I cannot believe your only goals are to win the beer pong and eat pasta.
The moment of silence led him to the following question –
“Okay, then what is your dream job?”
“I don’t think I have a dream job.” – I said, and then I realized, keep replying this way I might end up not getting my pasta, and since pasta is important to me, I decided to figure some more complex answer out –
“The last dream job I remember I had, was to be a dancer when I was 13 years old. That didn’t happen, because I realized, I prefer to do it for fun. And ever since, I do not particularly connect a word job with a word dream.”
He laughed, and add –
“Hey, but there must be something you really enjoy doing!”
“Well, I do enjoy doing many things. For example, I enjoy shazaming good music in nice restaurants, and creating the perfect playlist out of it” – I said, and in the meantime shazamed one perfect tune.
He went – “Okay, let’s create a goal for you! What about working at Spotify?”
Then, my eyes went blank, imagining waking up at 7 am, going to a corporate job, sitting there for 9 hours, going back home, sleeping, and after 2 years realizing I have no clue where my reality is going, trying to escape normal life again.
“I think I don’t necessarily want to get a job right now. I just enjoy listening to music. That’s it. I think I am still traumatized after having my last job, that might be it.”
He wasn’t laughing anymore, and realized that in this scenario he might have to buy me pasta throughout the rest of our dating period. He tried one last time –
“But don’t you feel empty without having a goal or a dream?”
“No, I don’t. I really enjoy my reality, as it is. Actually, it is pretty refreshing not wanting anything in particular.”
The food had arrived, and the conversation smoothly switched to the culinary subjects. Although I said I like not having a goal, Giuseppe’s question kept floating in my mind. This topic is not as easy to me as it sounded to be.
Across my life I was bouncing back and forth between two opposite views on life. I was a very ambitious kid, winning competitions, volunteering in projects and so on. Being goal-driven was very natural to me. I kept getting from one goal to another, accomplishing it or leaving, whenever I found a new, more exciting one to chase.
Moving to adulthood, I realized that goals of grownups seem to be all leading to similar directions. Getting jobs in good companies, making more money, having kids. I was then, in turn, craving for a carefree lifestyle, searching for people who I can waste the whole day with, having inspiring, but useless conversations, forgetting that we are all supposed to get somewhere.
And then again, getting down to earth, scrolling LinkedIn, thinking, what am I good at, what do I have to offer, what skill I could possibly trade for money and so on.
And again, realizing that this way of thinking is limiting me, and I want to live differently. I want to be free like a bird. One more time, you can call me naïve or silly, but this is my thought process, and I am being transparent about it.
Last job I had was being a flight attendant for a big airline. There were some really great parts of that, earning money was great, traveling the world was great. What wasn’t great was landing into the comfort zone, and settling for what I already had. Being tired, and not having enough energy to think freely, create wildly, and act irrationally.
Having goals is definitely an interesting experience. It made me realize how capable and resilient I am. How focused I can get if I really think I want something. But as soon as I get this something, I discover that maybe it was not this something I wanted. Maybe it is the experience of pushing into a specific direction, and growing stronger are the feelings I enjoy in having goals. It is the never-ending chase, and the rush connected with it.
Now, the second point of view is, that life is here and now, and all the goals that focus you on a desired target, inevitably distract you from what’s actually around you in this moment.
To put it a bit dramatically, if the world was about to end tomorrow, would I rather keep accomplishing my goals or watch the clouds passing by? I choose the clouds.
Prosaic events, like watching a cloud formation, or really listening to the lyrics of the music, seem to disappear under the big goal which dominates reality. Having a goal is like being under a spell that you put on yourself.
So just like Lucy (in the Luc Besson movie), I am coming to the realization that the only existing measure of reality is time. When it seems, we have it a lot, we keep chasing things (or experiences, or influences), when it seems we have it little, we start watching the clouds.
In that Italian restaurant (that, forgive me Giuseppe, the name I don’t remember, but it was lovely) I met myself watching clouds, which in that case, was listening to the music in the background, looking at the handsome Italian man, tasting my delicious pasta, observing my thoughts pass by. Does it mean I feel I don’t have much time? Or rather I do not have much time to lose not-watching the clouds passing by.
Amazing story