New York City is known for Wall Street, Wall Street is known for successful men working in finance, successful finance men are famous for being distant, I am known for being attracted to distant men.
I haven’t met Joe in a Wall Street bar. We met in a casual dive bar in midtown, during one of those socializing events. He was looking for friends, I was looking for friends, we wished to be more than friends at the end of the evening.
Joe wanted to introduce me to his favorite hot pot place in Chinatown, and as you all slowly start to realize I do love food, I do love dates, and the most loved by me are the food dates.
After a hot pot rendezvous, we went for a sushi and sake rendezvous, and this is how our small romance has begun.
Joe was a kind gentleman, and a man of few words. His face was created for playing poker, although, rather than that, he enjoyed his work, and making money on the stock market.
I have never dated a finance man before, and I was curiously observing his quiet and reserved demeanor. During our hangouts we talked a little, and rather than that, we enjoyed observing the moments around us, and sharing opinions on flavors of the current meeting. Joe didn’t ask a lot of questions. He was not investigating my past, nor he questioned my plans for the future. He was good at being an active part of what was happening in front of us. This was refreshing to me. I liked it that way. Our quiet moments felt comfortable.
One Sunday afternoon, Joe and I went for brunch to a small Korean restaurant set in the middle of the flower shop in East Village. He was even more silent than usual, and although I could see he tries to enjoy the afternoon, I knew something was off. I asked him if everything was alright, and he confirmed.
The next day, after work, during a casual conversation he still seemed unsettled. I did not want to push him to talk, as I understood, whatever is there, he doesn’t feel like sharing.
After introducing me to some classical music he enjoys listening to, all of a sudden he said, he is tired, because of busy work today, and figuring out how he will recover the 70 thousand dollars, which he had lost on the stock market yesterday.
Joe opened up, and I appreciated it. I asked him why he didn’t want to tell me this yesterday, and he said he wanted to have a good afternoon time together, and not to think of the tasks he has to figure out in upcoming days. It made sense, but also it made me realize, this form of limited communication is unknown to me.
My life experiences were all about open communication. Perhaps being raised by a single mom, and no father figure in my life, sharing emotions felt familiar to me.
I looked at Joe, and realized he has a strong, masculine character that I don’t fully understand, but I am curious about. And maybe that is the reason I am attracted to it? I want to know it better, explore the mysterious manhood that seems to have passed me by.
Once he said to me – “I like you. You are so different from me.”
And I like you too Joe, you are surely different then me, and anything I know.
My daddy issues emotional setup made me crave those differences. Distant and tough behavior, emotional independence, and achievement-oriented actions.
Today I met myself feeling unfamiliar and unsettled with this quiet, withdrawn, and strong man, but also fascinated by myself holding the space for this man to open up. Emotions on Wall Street can be pretty shut, but maybe when withdrawn masculinity meets curious femininity, they can find balance in sequentially sharing, and quietly holding space?
🙏🏼