In New York City you can often meet people who are accomplishing their dreams, but also every so often you can meet people who wish to accomplish a dream, but aren’t ready for it yet. When do you know you are ready? When do you know you are “good enough” to apply for that job, to open that business, to go for that trip, to flirt with that guy?
Sometimes, there is this idea flashing through my mind – that I am almost ready! To boldly be myself, and to take all the possible risks. To push myself beyond the fear and beyond the shame. And I just need this moment. The moment I know I am ready.
Are you too searching for those breakthrough moments, when finally, you are going to allow yourself to be who you are? Or push yourself for something you want to accomplish but you never dare?
When I think about my breakthrough moments, they look like 6 men. I know, you might be thinking it should be all about me. But it’s not. Those men happened to be in my life just in a right time, to push me off the cliff of my comfort zone, so I have no other way but to spread my wings and fly higher. Let me introduce them to you.
The names of these men are changed, but this is how I am going to refer to them throughout this blog. So, here they are.
A man No. 1 – My first boyfriend Ryan. We met at the summer camp. We were 13 years old. He was smart, funny, and edgy-looking teenager, with his curly hair, talking about indie music, politics, and fancy places. We were kids, but our beautiful romance was just as valid, and meaningful as any other romance I’ve ever had after that. Ryan made me hungry for more. He was eloquent and fashionable. He used to live in Warsaw, the capital city of my country, Poland. I was from mid-size boring town, where all girls become manicure artists, and all boys end up working on construction sites, or in delivery trucks. I wanted more from life. Much more. I wanted education, adventures, and things I couldn’t even imagine at that time yet. Hence, I went to my mom at the age of 13 and asked her to move to Warsaw (400km away from our home town) for my next school. And for some unexplained reason, she said yes. So, at the age of 15 me and my mom have moved to the capital city, searching for adventures and answers. I hoped to meet Ryan again, but he was already on his new life path, being cool as always, with his cool new girlfriend. That was okay with me, because he provoked me to crave for more, to jump higher, to reach for what is difficult to get. And I did. Thank you, R.
A man No. 2 – My first serious boyfriend Aron. Brace yourself, he was my high school philosophy teacher. I will definitely introduce you to this story in full later on, but what you need to know now, Aron introduced me to philosophy. He showed me, that my mind can explode, and comprehend much more than I knew it could. From that moment on, I consider myself a philosopher. I see the world much deeper ever since, and refuse to live intellectually-flat life. Although there was a period of time when I doubted, that I can sustain that philosopher title in the modern world. I tried studying business, I tried working for an airline, I tried many things which other people want to do. But let me tell you this, I leave those things to those people. Enjoy, and be good at it. What I am good at is thinking, and expressing. Can I sustain myself out of those skills? Let’s see about that. But I dare to try. Thank you, A.
A man No. 3 – My biggest crush Harry. He was this nerdy guy who I once met at a bar. And knowing him just for one day, we went together for a trip across Europe. I can’t wait to tell you all about it. At the core of our connection he showed me how much I can love, and how much I can do for others and myself if I truly love. He helped me to progress my English and I am ever grateful for that, as it became the language of my communication with the world. He showed me what real adventure can look like, and made me crave forever more. Thanks, H.
A man No. 4 – My father. I will call him papi, tata, daddy, or Pete. Whatever I will call him, for most of my life he was a stranger to me. I met him when I was 13 years old, in court, with the list of demands, regrets, questions, and expectations. You may think he is listed out of a chronological order. But only when we’ve met again, after another 16 years, being a grown woman, I saw him differently. I was able to perceive him as a man who gave me, not only my life, but also one of the most important lesson in my life, which is, not to expect anything from anyone. The only thing you can do, is to accept or refuse what people are willing to give. He pushed me off the highest cliff, and because of his push my wings grew bigger and stronger. Thank you, dad.
A man No. 5 – My first husband Bruce. Who made me realize, that being someone’s wife is an illusionary dream all little girls have. Especially girls with daddy issues (I am going to refer to that term often, so treat it lightly ;)). Marriage is a huge comfort zone that you can sink in, and lose yourself into. Don’t get me wrong, I do not mean to criticize marriage institution (but I do have some thoughts on that for later). However, my husband made me jump off the comfort zone edge which is called “being a wife”. Being with Bruce I knew, that no man can replace my daddy, and make my wishes come true, and that the Universe is my daddy. Thank you, B.
And finally, a man No. 6 – My ultimate crush New York City. I will call him by his full name, or by his nickname – NYC. I do wish to apologize all of the feminists or gender equality activists, and all others, who will get upset by me calling him a man. This is how I see him and how I feel him. He is a masculine, on occasions, unavailable, strong guy. He is ambitious and goal driven. He can be protective and will see you just the way you are. He is a man who pushed me to admit what I want, and to go for it. Thank you, NYC.
I met all those men on my path, and I am grateful I did. They loved me, and pushed me to my limits, and then, they let me go, so I can meet myself.
So here we are, in another breakthrough moment, that is out there for you to witness. For all of you, philosophy lovers, experience junkies, for girls with daddy issues, and for boys who are their daddies. For people who are unapologetically themselves. Who are not afraid to speak out loud about what they like, or what hurts them. For LGBTQ community, and for people as straight as my mom. For people who love, used to love, or are hoping they will love again. For people obsessed with New York City, or people obsessed with anything else in their life.
This blog is about passion. I hope you will enjoy the stories I witnessed, and through them you will meet yourself anew, just like I met myself again.
Interesting beginning… I am waiting for more 👍🏼